You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
