he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
