The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
