i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Congratulations! We have a period
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
