I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My breasts were aching with rage.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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