If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
