fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
