did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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