They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
