the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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