and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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