I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
