i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
