Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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