dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
