I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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