Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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