where am i from again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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