I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
