After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
