What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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