clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if only i could text you this smell
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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