literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
