saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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