Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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