hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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