easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
