so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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