I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
