I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
