You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
