hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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