it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
