Your tits are I can't wait for
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
