is your mom at the bar?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
