im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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