I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
