If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
and you fell through a lawn chair
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
