I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
