i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
