Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
