I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
