just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
