i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
