Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
