She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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