So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
