the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
