at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
