Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
