so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
