I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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