you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
