I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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