Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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