yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
