Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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