those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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